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welcome to the "late show." i'm stephen colbert. man, winter is here. >> jon: it's here. >> stephen: everybody okay? everybody warm enough? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: it's freezing. it's like siberia out there, andnot just because our new leader

is vladimir putin. ( laughter )speaking of which -- everybody's saying that russiahacked our election, so, today, senator john mccain held ahearing with the heads of the intelligence community. mccain made it clear the purposeof the hearing was to investigate cyber security, andnot to, "question the outcome of the presidential election." yes, nobody's questioning theoutcome.

just questioning why god letsbad things happen to great nations. what did we do?! we're sorry! ( applause )reporters asked if mccain has shared his concerns about russiawith the president-elect. >> senator mccain, have youdetermined why the president-elect doesn't sharethe same concerns about russia as many republicans likeyourself on capitol hill?

>> no, i don't know. i haven't talked to him. >> stephen: yeah, hasn'tcaulked to him. mccain's just chairman of thesenate armed services committee. trump's talking to the importantpeople, like senator kanye. ( laughter )>> stephen: and at the hearing today, every head of the u.s. intelligenceagencies testified that russia was unequivocally behind theelection hack.

but instead of u.s. agencies, uptill now, trump has been trusting wikileaks founder andmiddle-aged draco malfoy, julian assange. but this morning trump tried todistance himself from assange, tweeting, "the dishonest medialikes saying that i am in agreement with julian assange. wrong. i simply state what he states,it is for the people..." ( deep breath )"...to make up their own minds

as to the truth. the media lies to make it looklike i am against 'intelligence' when in fact i am a big fan!"yes, big fan! super fan! yes, donald trump lovesintelligence! and you know what they say, "ifyou love something, let it go." ( laughter )that's true leadership. i just type any claim you hearand let people decide what's true: "billy told me if a boyand a girl touch butts, the girl

gets pregnant. true? you decide! sad!"( laughter ) >> jon: oh, oh. >> stephen: not true. that's not true, jon. that's not how it works. you've got to shake hands, too.

or do circle dot cootie shot,you're fine. >> jon: i thought it was thestork that comes out. >> stephen: you believe thestork thing? >> stephen: no, they'reextinct. >> jon: wow. >> stephen: it's sad. ( laughter )but where were we? oh, trump. but here's what's also weirdabout trump's assange tweet.

he tweeted the first part ofthis sentence at 8:25 a.m., but finished the thought 20 minuteslater. ( laughter )how can he have plan for america when he doesn't have a plan forthe end of the sentence? mr. trump, it's time to get offtwitter and stop being such a whiny mother... i'll finish that word in abouttwenty minutes. ( laughter )( applause ) ♪but enough about the hacking of

our democracy, let's get to thebig news. former american idol runner-up,bo bice, says he was called "white boy" at popeye's. that is shocking. the only appropriate time tocall someone "white boy" is when you're instructing them to playthat funky music. ("play that funky music")♪ that's as funky as i can get. i can funk one word -- hey!

>> jon: yeah! >> stephen: really good song. based on a true story. ( laughter )apparently, bice was in the atlanta airport waiting for hisorder at popeye's -- i'm going to say "butterfly shrimptacklebox"-- when, according to bice, "the three ladies behindthe counter asked whose food it was. just when i turned around, oneof them said 'that white boy.'

if tables had been turned and iused something as insensitive like that, i would be boycotted. people wouldn't buy my albums." and i don't even want to imaginea world where people don't buy bo bice albums. ( laughter )no! bice is upset, but it's hard totell. >> and the fact that i've got tosit on tv and come down a notch and look like a petty littlebrat by tweeting and facebooking

this just to open up dialog sowe can have an adult conversation is ridiculous --and america, you should be ashamed. >> stephen: yeah, america. ( laughter )all of you should be ashamed of what three women working atpopeye's did. how dare all of you force bobice to look like a petty little brat by tweeting and facebookingand going on tv to cry! i mean, what other choice did hehave?

not be on tv? no! you know what? here's what upsets me most --you people at popeye's should know his name. that's bo bice. you're at a popeye's. you should call him somethingfun like "red beans and bice!" or "bo biscuits!" or "theamerican fry-dol!"

now, i am white and i am a boy. i'm about the whitest boy you'reever going to meet. john, have you met anybodywhiter than me? >> jon: yeah, i think i knowsomebody. >> stephen: who? >> jon: a guy i grew up with. >> stephen: what's his name. >> jon: andy. >> stephen: you know andy,that white guy?

>> stephen: we meet at thewhite meeting. yeah, i know andy. ( laughter )i just want to say, popeye's, call me whatever you want --white boy, nino blanco, commander mayonnaise -- whatever-- andy -- just whenever my order is ready, get thebutterfly shrimp into the chew hole! ( laughter )speaking of white boys, utah. any utah fans here?

( one or two cheering )>> stephen: that's about right. are there any porn fans here? ( cheering )well, brace yourself, because utah state senator todd weilerhas announced a bill that will give people the ability to suepornographers, in an attempt to prove that watching theirproduct causes emotional and psychological damage. finally, it's well-known thatporn causes psychological

damage. mostly for the pizza deliveryguy, who just wants to do his job and deliver the pie. ladies, for the last time, it'snot a euphemism -- extra sausage is just a topping! senator weiler says the pornindustry is a public menace and should be open to lawsuitsbecause, right now, porn is available without any warningsand labeling. it's true.

it is time to label porn! how else will people find"mature redheads on farm equipment," or "sexy ladyblacksmiths?" point is, if this bill passes,people will be able to sue the porn industry for damages, andlawyers are already standing by to help. i saw this ad today. let me see if i've still got iton the old t bill. >> hi there.

has this happened the to you? you're enjoying a classic filmabout sorority slut house only for it to turn out the to beporn and you suffer emotional trauma? >> we've all been theresometimes three or four times a day. you need to call galino andfarns. our trial attorneys are trainedto deal with all types of pornography.

including thermal inversion. >> the scorpions reunion tour. big bang theory. girl on girl. uy. duck on horse. mustard on hot dog. and of course, malcolm in themiddle. so pick up the phone with yourfree hand, don't master wait.

call today! ♪ pornography attorneys ♪♪ 1-800-69 ♪ ( cheers and applause )we've got a great show for tonight. adam driver is here! so stick around.